Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Panties = found
Randomize
