Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
