your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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