Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well you can't waste a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am one with the molecules
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
