i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
