i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
