just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
