I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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