margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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