I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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