I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
