If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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