This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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