cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
