Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
