She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's never too late to be topless.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
