I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
FUCK WHALES
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
