Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
