Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
