the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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