You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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