I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
