Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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