i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
