I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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