Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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