She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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