ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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