I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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