I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
