yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
