Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
