I think my vagina is haunted
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
