i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
