the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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