what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
