he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
