Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
