Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
