dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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