Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize