I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
try to milk me bitch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
