I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
