there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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