She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
