3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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