quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
