Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
