I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
