I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize