The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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