take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
