the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
