when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
