I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
