I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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