I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
