I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
