I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
