I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
