I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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