what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
