I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
