he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
