I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
