I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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