I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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