I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
