im six kinds of drunk right now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My vagina just clenched in fear
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
