I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
