RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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