You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
