I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
