U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
