I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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