I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
