They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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